So this Monday at leadership (weekly get together w/ YL leaders, fellowship, food, God time), we all shared pray requests and I was thinking a lot about my future.. and didn't know how to put into words all the thoughts in my head (previous post/graduation). John (my area director) asked me to close after everyone was done, as he often does, so I did. As I prayed, I began to pray for the leaders in the area currently - that years would end well, summer jobs would be found, and that they would all return here again next year safely and continue to serve God and love kids like they do. After I prayed I walked out and stopped and thought .. I'm leaving. It hit me hard and I just prayed "God please just being these leaders back next year.. please" I know this area can last w/out me and be fine. mean its about God and His plan, not me in any way. Just also realize I am a leader here and when a leader of a small community leaves it can effect things. So I pray it doesn't. I have seen so MANY leaders come and go here in Jackson and I just desire that YL would succeed. At that statement and thought though - I always ask myself what is success and are we really failing? I don't know.
I know what this ministry is "suppose" to look like and that it might never fit that cookie cutter mold here. But I also know that we need influence more kids than we do right now. If we were doing something crazy and out of the book, but it worked, that would be sweet. I just want kids to hear that there is more to life than the crap of this world. There is soooo much more and I want that message to be brought across.
I guess I say all this to say. It makes me sad to no longer lead in Young Life and I know that God will continue to be with this area... I just also pray that the leaders that should lead will continue to do so. I have stood as a leader and know I must leave.. I can no longer carry the ministry and thats a weird feeling in ways. As hard as its been.. its also just what I've been doing for so long.
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